The way you see yourself is how the world sees you because your inner self radiates in your external. See yourself as worthless, and worthless you would be to others. See yourself as an awesome queen, and the world doffs their hat in great respect for you.
So, I was again watching this really cool teen film/comedy, “The Duff” sometime ago and it got me really thinking……Hold up a sec…… before I go rambling on, I got to ask. Have you seen the movie? It’s a 2015 movie but one I never get tired of watching. If you haven’t seen it, I would encourage you to do so. It is really interesting and got loads of lessons to teach about self-love, self-confidence and being who you really are.
Now, duff means DESIGNATED, UGLY, FAT FRIEND.
My favorite scene in the movie was when the supposed “duff” no longer wallowed in low self-esteem but broke free from the hold of what other people thought about her. She decided to love, appreciate and just be her true self. It didn’t matter if anyone loved her the way she was. The important thing was that she loved herself and never again would the opinions of others bring her down. She was even able to stand up to the supposed “cutest girl” in school who had the hottest guy. Here goes:
As Bianca (Mae Whitman) rightly said in the movie, “everyone is a duff” at some time or the other in our lives. There is always going to be someone better than you but that should in no way affect your opinion about yourself. I would say this again, the fact we embark on this journey of life together doesn’t mean we run the same race or walk the same path. Every man to himself. You meet new people and leave others everyday. Not every one in your childhood is still involved in your life today.
Aside God, the only constant person in your life is YOU. You are your own unique being and you have your own chosen path to follow to get to your destination. Don’t choose to walk the road of another. You would only become a “wannabe” and not an original.
More often than not, like I mentioned earlier, we have either been or had the tendency of been the duff in our relationships or friendships. Now, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be fat or ugly. It just means you are the “go-to” person that others become friends with, not because they like you, but because they have the ulterior motive of establishing real friendships with your “other” friends whom they are actually interested in.
When this is achieved, they kick you to the curb. Sounds familiar? It’s quite common among girl-friendships especially when guys come into the picture. In order for them to make a great first impression on the one they really like, the guy first become friends with the very “easy and approachable one” and get all the information he needs to make his move on the one he has his heart set on.
From you, he tactically learns all he needs to know about the “friend” he has in mind and knows how to play his card. Meanwhile, you are there thinking he is actually your friend when in actual truth, you are his “source of information”. When it clicks, you are sidelined because your purpose has been served and now, you are seemingly insignificant.
Hmmmm…..yeah…..*in my thoughts*…..I don’t think I have actually been a duff to others but I do know I have felt like a duff deep inside. How so? Well, I think it was borne more out of inferiority complex. Yea, I was in that rut sometime in my life and trust me, it is not a good place to be. I did feel like I had no self-worth and I questioned everything not out of curiosity but out of somewhat “paranoia”. I was struggling to find my purpose and what it is I was supposed to do with my life.
So yeah, I did feel like a duff inside of me. I wasn’t a “go-to” person, but I did question when other people became friends with me. I didn’t see myself worthy of their friendships. This may come out as sort of surprising to some of my friends because on the outside, I did try to be more confident than I felt. I particularly felt like a duff maybe because I thought I didn’t have anything to offer. When I saw myself as “no one of value”, how did I expect others to see me as someone significant?
However, all of this changed when I started to see myself in a totally different light. I had a change of perception. I looked at myself one day and I said, “Omon, you are a wonderful, amazing, smart and intelligent young lady. It is high time you showed it to the world”. Excelling at various points in my life boosted me even more.
At my last job at a Pharmacy, we did a power point presentation as the high point of our training and my topic was “Malaria in Pregnancy”. Now, I am naturally shy and I have serious stage fright and for the record, I am no Pharmacist but a Biochemist, in case you were wondering….Lol… I did my research, prepared my slides and rehearsed over and over again at home in front of family and friends. I was assured I was ready. I wasn’t so sure deep inside though.
On the set date, in the presence of the management of the company, I amazed myself and perhaps others as I boldly and confidently did my presentation, coming out top of my class.
At another program, in my HSE (Health, Safety and Environment) course, I was the second highest in my class again with a score of 94. “See?” I said to me “You rock! You can do and be anything you want to be. There is no monster that is going to eat you if you choose to come out of your shadows. You are amazing. So live your life, young lady”, I admonished myself.
I did just that and became a better DUFF (DARING, UNBEATABLE, FANTABULOUS, FUN) CHIC .
Yes, I changed the “duff” to “DUFF” because that is who and what I have chosen to be; that is who and what I am now. Life’s struggles can’t get me down. No one can undermine my existence. No one can put me down. Life is sometimes full of crap and there are so many garbage we have to put up with but still, every phase in life is and remains a necessary experience because the good, the bad and the ugly, sums up who we are at the end of the day.
I did mention somewhere in another post that I sometimes see Life as a being pushing us to be the very best of ourselves by bringing so many hardships and difficulties our way. Life sometimes makes you meet some mean people to refine you and give room for your brilliance and beauty to shine forth.
Your path doesn’t cross another’s path by mistake. There is a lesson to be learned in every meeting with someone, in every friendship or relationship. No matter the length of time, once the lesson is learned, the person goes out of your life and you move on to meet the next.
So be grateful for all the bullies, mean people, troublesome people that you come across. Be thankful for the hard and difficult times you experienced because when you overcome it ( and overcome it, you must), you look back and see how much you have grown from who you were then, to the beautiful and amazing you, you are now.
Difficulties and hardships teaches you great lessons of life – patience, humility, peace, courage, valor, faith, trust, confidence, loyalty, understanding, wisdom…..all of these and other virtues makes you sail gracefully on the sea of life no matter how stormy the weather is. I say this, because I know.
I have been beat down, I have been shaken to the core of my faith, I have been tested but I survived it all. So with all the pride in my heart, I repeat that I AM A FREAKING AMAZING “DUFF” CHIC. And all of it is due to God’s grace. Through it all, God loved me and still loves me.
Sweetheart, you are what you present to the world.
Oh true! The way you see yourself is how the world sees you because your inner self radiates in your external. See yourself as worthless, and worthless you would be to others. See yourself as an awesome queen, and the world doffs their hat in great respect for you.
No more cowering in my shadow. I am beautiful and smart and I live as such. I don’t really care what anyone says so long as whatever I am doing is cool with my conscience and God, I am all for it. I broke the chains of low self-esteem and have been living in super amazzzziiiiinnnng freedom.
Today, I am a beautiful writer and blogger and living the life of my dream……..A LIFE OF JOY AND HAPPINESS which the world cannot give. Such happiness only comes from God when you discover your life’s purpose. I can’t be more thankful.
The thing about been a duff is that it doesn’t even have to be a boy/girl relationship. It happens even in normal friendships. Now do a mental search in your head and scan through your relationships and friendships with others. How has it been? Have you always been in the shadow of that your “bestie” or are you seen as your own person? Do your friends keep you close because you add value to their lives or do they just “manage” you?
Are you the type to always be on the receiving end but never gives? It must not be only of physical resources but of your time, talents, yourself? True and fulfilling friendships are established on the “give and receive” platform. What are you valued for? How do you contribute to the lives of others?
Sweetie, you don’t have to be the duff. Uh uh! No more of that. Brand yourself, be your own person and be the amazing DUFF. Let others seek to be friends with you NOT because you are rich, proud, arrogant and scary or because you are their ticket to wealth, but instead because you have a wonderful personality. Let others seek you out because they know becoming friends with you would make them better.
Have that sweet aura and charisma around and about you. Wear that beautiful smile always that lights up the world. Let people approach you not because you are the “go-to” person but because you are the one they are actually interested in. You are amazing and have so much to offer. There is nothing more appealing than self-confidence. I can very well say so. Think highly of yourself and others would see you as such.
Your personality is not dependent on your social status. Even if you have not a dime in your pocket, you can still command the respect you deserve. It’s all about your personality and how you want others to see you. Have that special appeal about and around you.
YOUR STATUS DOESN’T DEFINE YOU. YOU DEFINE YOUR STATUS.
Stop been the limitations and obstacle to yourself and your progress. Open your mind. The world is big enough for you and for others. Don’t waste your time on envy and jealousy of others who are apparently living “the good life” when you can just as easily fulfill your own dreams and live the life you want.
Remove yourself from the circle of gossips. Get rid of the anger and bitterness in your heart for whatever reason or for whomever. Let this be the start of something new for you. IT IS A BRAND NEW DAY and a BRAND NEW YOU.
You are worth every bit of attention, respect and love. You are not to be managed. That is a big No, No. You are to be valued and appreciated. You are a woman of class. You are a woman of elegance. Change your perception on life and on your being.
You are not a failure. You are a brilliant success. Forget those bullies who taunt you with your flaws or weak points. Yes, you are not perfect but that doesn’t mean you are damaged. No one is perfect. You capitalize on your strengths and improve on your weakness.
That is why I maintain that the best and surest way to get back at those who hurt you is to turn your life around and become the very best of you. Break the power of their words and taunts. Have the last laugh.
Be the DUFF Babe! Be the DUFF Chic.
For heaven’s sake, BE A FREAKING AMAZING DUFF LADY.
Remember, you are beautiful inside and out. Now go out there and be the star that you are.
Are you a duff or a DUFF? How has self-confidence boosted you and your relationships with other people? I really would love to read your comments.
A beautiful life…….It’s all God’s grace.