“Learn to value yourself which means to fight for your happiness” – Ayn Rand
So, I have a lot of email subscriptions to different blogs, life and business coaches. In a bid to start my blog, I had to gather all the information I could get to make a success of myself and my goal. Every now and then, I receive email notifications on my phone about one newsletter or eBook or training being offered me as a benefit for being a subscriber.
One fine Monday evening, I got one of such mails on mindset challenge. In it, Ehi Ade-Mabo, a business coach, shared her story of how she changed her mind set about her way of living. Sure, at the time, there was a downturn in the economy but she realized one day that it is pays better to work smart than hard.
Reading her story, I got thinking as well……. “Really, why do we slave for peanuts when we have what it takes to live like kings?” Her mail didn’t quite stop at her story. She was going to take me on a 5-steps journey to change my mindset ergo my life for the best.
I read on until I got to a part of the mail where she put before me some mind bugging questions and since I was doing this for me and wasn’t in front of any panel, there was no time to be shy or paint my words. They were questions that needed straight forward and honest answers.
The mail said, “Omon, do you believe you need to work very hard to be successful? Do you sometimes think that all wealthy people are selfish and God doesn’t want you to be wealthy?
The questions went on…….
Do you think it is extravagant to have all your needs met and have an overflow to own nice toys, cars, mansions? Do you feel bad when you are happy and content? How do you feel about yourself? Do you feel like you deserve every good thing? Are you okay with being spoken to with great dignity and respect? Are you okay with being abused and disrespected by a spouse, friend or whomever?”
Hmmmmmmmmm…….You can imagine my sigh. It felt like I had been caught with my hands in the candy jar. Did she somehow get an insight into my mind to see what crazy thoughts I had?
Of course not. It just goes to show that I wasn’t the only one that belonged to this school of thought at one time in my life.
Sure, my answers to most of the questions were “Yes”. I had the mindset that it is extravagant to have all my needs met. I did sometimes think that wealthy people were selfish because they hardly helped, giving the famous line “I would love to help but I have so much on my plate. Let me see what I can do”. It ends there. The help never comes. I questioned myself each time I felt happy and would forget to enjoy it.
As C. JoyBell C. said, “Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn’t have the time to sit around and talk about you. What’s important to me is not others’ opinions of me, but what’s important to me is my opinion of myself.” ―
Uh Uh! I already know what you are thinking…..I am saddled with low self-esteem right? Oh well, I wouldn’t deny it. There was a time in my life I was plagued by it. It made me stereotyped and I questioned everything.
But boy, am I glad to say that all of that is in the past. That was the old me. Naaaaaaa……. not anymore. I’ve re-oriented myself now in the art of truly living and that was the inspiration for my blog.
Now, before you crucify me, I want you to be truly honest with yourself too. Take 5 and give your candid answers to the questions above…… Done yet? What are your answers like? Very different from mine or fairly same? See?
For Ehi, the business coach who sent me the mail to ask such questions, it shows that at one time in her life, she did think like that just like many of us.
If you have had a total overhaul of your mindset, big congratulations are in order because now you see a bigger picture, dream bigger dreams and have challenged yourself to live a better life and not settle for mediocrity anymore. If you still think like this, Sweetie, do not feel downcast. It is not too late to work on that mind of yours and help you to see a better life for you.
How is that going to happen? For starters, you need to know that:
- You are awesome: Get this straight dearie…you are awesome and an absolute beauty. There is no one else like you in this life and there will never be. You need to first of all appreciate and truly love yourself enough to know that.
Again I refer to another quote by C. JoyBell C. (I just love this lady). She said, “You can be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment that you use to criticize yourself; is a second of your life wasted, is a moment of your life thrown away. It’s not like you have forever, so don’t waste any of your seconds, don’t throw even one of your moments away.”
- You deserve the best: Sugar, I need you to understand something….. You are not ordinary hence shouldn’t settle for such. You are an amazing person with awesome talents. You can have that great life you dream about and sure, you absolutely deserve it. Pay no mind to anyone or voice in your head that tells you any different.
- You are not different, YOU ARE SPECIAL: Are you going about with the idea in your head that you are always the odd one in everything; like you happen to cause trouble or even act as a rebel sometimes?
Oh no, dearie! You are not a harbinger of bad news, contrary to what others might think. You are a special one who only needs to find his/her right niche in life to excel.
Steve Jobs said this, “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do”.
- Stop being stereotyped: I used to be really stereotyped before. Not like I intended to be because I love creativity and changes. I love newness a whole lot but there were some principles I just held on to that somewhat limited my own idea of freedom. As a child, I wanted to be a nun and had shaped my mentality in such a way that it was sort of difficult to blend in the real world.
I neither had the exposure nor the experience for surviving in the outside world. It affected most of my relationships and friendships with people as it made me appear boring and sort of mundane.
But all of that changed when I had an overhaul of my mindset. I said to myself one day, “Don’t be so programmed or stereotyped in life. You are not a robot and can unlearn things that are of no value to you”. I am not wild or wayward or anything negative. Not at all. I am just freer and have more liberty within myself.
So, you too can be just as free within you and break all the chains of limitations. There is a beautiful world out there for you to see and live in and it was created just for you. So live darlyn and be glad you did.
Learning in the school of life is way different from learning in the classroom. In the real world, you make mistakes and learn from them. Don’t be afraid to make them because they form a huge part of your success story just like failure too. These are priceless experiences that only you can have and own. It shapes you to be a better and stronger you.
- No more “What Ifs”: I had so much to say on this in my previous articles, “BE BOLD TO MAKE MISTAKES. THEY MAKE YOU A BETTER YOU” and “FAILURE, THE MOST DARING AND INNOVATIVE TEACHER”. Life is a risk. The more you cower behind the question “What if”, the more life passes you by and you live none of it.
Malcolm X said, “We cannot think of being acceptable to others until we have first proven acceptable to ourselves.”
Have you ever wondered, “What if not?” Dare to be yourself. Ask questions. Live a well-informed life and not be a robot. Push beyond your limits and be knowledge thirsty. You have the ability to think, understand and comprehend. Don’t let the world do this for you. Do this for yourself. That is why it is your life. Awaken your curiosity. BE THE HERO IN THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE.
- Make a habit of reading: Aha! This is very essential if you are going to have a mind revamp. Reading reinvents you. It brings out the special powers in you that you had no idea you possessed. How does it do that? It ignites your imagination and creative center. It broadens your knowledge and resuscitates your mind.
I say this, “You can travel the world a million times through reading” and again, “When you can’t get enough of reading, you are on the course to greatness”.
So my dear one, never for once think that reading is so last season. Uh Uh. It is so this season, the next season, the one after that and so it goes on and on into the future.
- Challenge yourself to be your best: Don’t hide within the borders or limits you have created for yourself. You can do more. You are so much more than you know and so much more than you think. Sweetheart, fear is so out of fashion. The trending fashion statement now is CONFIDENCE. This quality exhumes such great aura and awesome side you never knew you had.
Stop lazying about and challenge yourself to achieve more. Why would you choose to settle for a one room apartment when you can have a 5-bedroom duplex? Why would you settle for a motor bike when you can have a Ferrari, Lamboghini or even a Bentley? Come on, go ahead and DREAM BIG. It would be a great sin against yourself if you don’t try and settle for so much less than you deserve.
There are so much goodies in the world. They are all out there and are yours for the taking. All you need do is challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and away from that life of ordinariness. Greatness is in you. Don’t let it just go to waste. Acquire or hone your skills. I tell you, it pays more to live a happier and fulfilling life than to settle for one of mediocrity.
- Change your “hanging out” crowd: You can’t aspire to be great and still hang around others who don’t share same dreams as you. Change your “hanging out” crowd. Be more in the company of people who have like minds with you. It’s not discrimination but the truth is people around you matter a lot.
Like minds build a stronger fortitude for you as it affords you the right people to share and bounce ideas off of. You can’t choose to make a great success of yourself and your hanging out crowd would be people who think the sun rises and sets in the beer pub each day. How is that going to work?
- Live healthy: Having enough exercises, eating healthy, taking enough fluids, fruits and vegetables is a good way to keep your physical and mental self in shape. Don’t indulge so much in junk foods. You need to be in great shape and sound mind.
- Build your self-confidence: I just mentioned this above now. “There is nothing as appealing as self-confidence”, I always say. It’s like a magnet that attracts people to you. You speak, people listen. You enter a room, your presence is felt. Self-confidence is not intimidation. It is simply classy and powerful.
You can only be intimidated if you have low self-esteem. It is neither pride nor rudeness. It is just what it is – Self-confidence (but hey! never you take arrogance, a pompous attitude or even pride for self-confidence).
Self-Confidence is friendly, humble, beautiful and attractive. It is the power you have in yourself and it is the carriage you give yourself. This makes people have a second look at you as if to say, “Who is that interesting and confident personality?”
This is not in any way influenced by the wealth you have. Seen the old but classy movie, “THE LAST HOLIDAY”, starring Queen Latifah? That is self-confidence not brought about by money but a conscious decision to live and experience life (even though it was a decision made out of enjoying her “last days”).
- Dress Elegantly: Remember the quote, “Dress the way you want to be addressed”? Well, that says it all. You want to be addressed like an executive CEO, dress like one. You could be a perfect gentleman but because you are dressed shabbily, you would be addressed as such. You do not wear the placard, “CEO” around your neck.
This is not to say you have to wear the most expensive clothes in town. All I am saying is simply dress smart and modest. Don’t overdo things. Simplicity speaks volumes. Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of popular social media platform, FACEBOOK, is now the sixth richest person in the world but you always see him dress simple, smart and decent.
Your identity is shown in your outward appearance even before you open your mouth to speak. You can’t say I am the president’s wife and look like a food seller.
Even if you have not a dime to your name; even if you are the poorest of the poor, dress in such a manner that people would still respect you. You don’t have to wear designers’ clothes and shoes but let your outfit be one that at least speaks highly of you.
In summary, always be clean, neat and to the point. It keeps you sharp, smart and boosts your confidence level as shocking as this might sound. Dressing sure affects how you feel about yourself. If you are properly dressed, you would feel good about yourself and not even have to bother what others think about you because you feel soooooooo gooood with yourself.
- Stay connected to God: Nothing you do is by your power. All we are and all of our being belongs to God. You want to have a total make over from the inside out? It begins with God. He is the sole source of true happiness, true love and true fulfillment in life. With Him you have everything you could possibly want out of life – GUARANTEED. I can testify to this.
Without Him, you got nothing. Whatever you think you got without God is temporary but with Him, it is everlasting. Connect with Him through prayer.
Trust in Him and put your life in His hands. He is the safest haven you can ever get in this life and in that to come.
So, my dearest one, a great life begins with a change of mindset. You can live that dream life you want. All you need do is decide to live it and work towards it and you would get it. It isn’t far-fetched, trust me. It’s absolutely within your reach.
Thank you so very much for reading this article. How did you find it? Interesting? Engaging? Inspiring? I would love to hear your thoughts on it. Please be kind enough to leave them in the comment box below.
Now these are just a few pointers. What other way do you think you can live more happily, add more value to you and stop being unfair to yourself? I can’t wait to read from you.